Hello,Hell No!

Title: Hello, hell no!
Author: Alice (ice79au2yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: Mine? I wish.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: general season 3, early on. Before the whole prophecy debacle, but after Cordy has her demony goodness.
Summary: The fang gang are going out of town. Where are they going? Read on to find out.

Notes: I started this a while ago but never got around to posting it, so itís a bit outdated, but I decided to post it anyway.

'Demon rising, end of world. Usual prophecy stuff.' Cordelia recapped.

'Do we know when? 'Angel asked

'Yes, tomorrow night 'answered Wesley

'Okay, do we know where?'

'We worked out that it's on the west coast. Fred and I are still working on it.'

'What kind of demon is this anyway, more importantly how do we kill it?'

'Big and ugly usually. ' Cordelia commented.

'Thoralax demon'

'So what? slice and dice, beheading, or do I get to try out my new flame thrower? Gunn asked

'all of those should do it.'


Running in from Wesley's office papers in hand Fred skidded to a halt in front of the group.

'What is it Fred'. Angel asked

'I worked out where it is, it was really easy once I took the Ö'

Sensing a long rambling explanation Cordelia cut their resident physicist off

' Fred!, where is this big ole' demon coming up?

' Ohh a little town not too far north of here'

Angel, Cordelia and Wesley all looked to each other

'if she says Sunnydale I'm not going, this thing can just kill itself'

'its not Sunnydale is it Fred?

Angel just stood there a panicked look on his face.

'Nah, a town called Springfield actually.' Fred replied not really sure why a place that sounded as nice as Sunnydale would have three of the bravest people she knew looking so scared. Oh now she remembers. Sunnydale is where the hell mouth is, and the slayer, the ex-girlfriend. Now she's got it.

'Cool, road trip.' Gunn said enthusiastically

'It will give me a chance to try out the new car'


They all stood around admiring the new addition to Angel Investigations as they waited for Lorne to arrive.

'Making up for not paying the bill by giving us a new suburban, I can live with that'.

'An old fashioned exchange of goods for services' commented Fred

'Hey, look at the new batmobile, big black, foreboding, with a child seat. It works on you.' Lorne commented sideling up to the group.

'Gunn, Weapons in?'


'Wes, Books in?


'Fred, did you get all of Connor's stuff?'

'Yah, Angel its in the back.'

'Good. Cordy, you got Connor?'

'Yesh, Angel I've got Connor.'

'Lorne, you got enough luggage?'

'Oh look at who grew a sense of humour.'

'okay, lets go.'


'God, this feels like highschool.'

'What does'

'This. I thought my days sitting around cemeteries were over.'

'You sat around in cemeteries a lot in high school?'

'practically ever night, except when I had cheerleading practice of course.'

'All I did in high school was study.' Fred sounded disappointed.

'what time is this thing supposed to happen?' Gunn asked.

'these things usually happen at midnight.'

'Yes, the witching hour is defiantly the preferred time for demon risings.'

'Here comes Angel.' Said Cordy standing up 'Anything?'

'Nothing, the cemetery is empty, well there were a couple of vamps over in the south corner, but no minions or worshippers.'

'you sure you read this prophecy right Wes?'

'yeah man, we didn't drive all the way out here for nothing did we?'

'Fred and I have been through it thoroughly, this is it, it can't be anything else. This is most defiantly the correct time and place.' Wesley said firmly.

'Well I'm going to check on Connor and Lorne. Connor should really be at home, I don't like disrupting his schedule like this.'

'Angel, his schedule will be fine. He' asleep in the car with Lorne.'

'You coming or not' Angel called over his shoulder to Cordy as he begun walking towards where the car was parked.

'you bet your arse I'm coming. I haven't had my burslurp yet.' She called hurrying after him.


'Sssh Dawn, be quite, we don't want them to know were coming.'

'Yeah Dawnie, it kinda ruins that element of surprise.' Xander said backing Buffy up.

'alright already I get it. Quiet. Okay, I can do quiet.'

'Remind me why I let you come?'

'Because youíre my ever reliable big sister, who couldn't imagine ever leaving her poor defenceless baby sister at home alone, even though she is fifteen and quite capable of looking after herself.' Dawn said as she tripped over a rock and landed rather nosily on he ground.

'yep, that's the reason.'


'Was this another ploy to get me alone or are you really that worried about Connor?'

'Connor's my son, I am always going to worry about him.'


'But, I trust Lorne with him, and I know that he's sleeping.'


'And, it was a thinly veiled excuse to get you alone.' Angel said sheepishly.

'Lucky for you it worked.' Cordy said flashing him a 1000 watt smile and grabbing him by the neck pulling him into a deep passionate kiss.

'yeah, lucky.' Angel said letting Cordelia up for air as he ran soft open mouthed kisses along her neck.

'Angel, did you hear that?'


'it kinda sounded like something hitting the ground'

'nope, didn't hear it.' He said as he continued nibbling on her jaw.

'and your supposed to be the one with the super vamp hearing'

'I was listening to your heart beat, and how it speeds up when I do this' Angel demonstrated by kissing her in that special spot just bellow her ear.

All other thought left her mind as Angel continued to do the most exquisite things to her neck and mouth until her brain was essentially mush.

'Hey Buffy, why did we drive two hours to go trudging around a cemetery, we could have done that at home?' Xander asked

'Because there is a prophecy.'

'there always is' Willow added.

'Do you guys hear that?' dawn asked


'it kinda sounds like moaning.'

'No. look, lets keep moving. We gotta find the right mausoleum.'

And the group from Sunnydale marched on.


'What's taking them so long?' Wesley pondered as he paced back and forth along the clump of bushes they were hiding behind.

'you know them man, there probably off making out somewhere. They're always doin that, sneaking off, like we don't know what's going on, huh you would have to be blind to miss that.'

'I think its romantic.'

'Huh, they're hardly hiding it anymore, I walked in on them yesterday in my office, my office! You would think that they would show a little respectÖ'

'It's the moira, they can't help it.'

'Ssh I think I hear them coming.'


'This could be it.'

'this has got to be the one, we have looked all over this damn place, why couldn't they have done this on the hellmouth were all the other demons are brought forth? There is reason for it being a mystical centre of convergence you know. And at least there we know the cemeteries.' Buffy complained.

'God I hope so. But I don't see the usual paraphernalia; stinky herbs, minions, you know the usual' Willow said as she walked around the area.

'No, but there is defiantly something here' Buffy observed immediately going to slayer mode.


'Oh My, Buffy is that you?' Wesley tentatively asked as he emerged from behind the bushes followed closely by Fred and Gunn.

'Wesley?' Buffy was confused what was Wesley doing skulking around a cemetery in Springfield, she thought he was still in LA working with Angel.

'Hello Buffy, Xander Willow, oh and Dawn, its good to see you all.'

'yeah, same here Wes, but what are you doing here?'

'Hello, I'm Fred, and this is Charles.'


'Where?' asked Xander panicking, ducking down and covering his head.

'no, that's my name,'

'oh, I'll just be over here hiding my face in the shadows if anyone needs me.' Xander said embarrassed.

'Hi nice to meet you both Dawn said introducing herself.

'It's Willow isn't it, you came to tell Angel when Ö' Fred trailed off, thinking it was best not to bring up someone's death, especially when that said someone was standing right there.

'yep that's me.'

'Sorry, I don't mean to be rude but what are you doing here?' Buffy asked.

'Oh, that's quite all right. The same as your selves I assume.'

'Big ugly demon?' Dawn asked

'Is Angel with you?' Buffy wanted to know

'Yes, he and Cordelia have gone to check onÖ' Fred trailed off once again.

'things.' Gunn finished for her.


'Cor,Cordy, Cordelia! We have to get back.' Angel said as he prised the remarkably strong young woman off him.

'they'll be wondering where we are.'

'let them wonder' The seer was quiet determined to continue doing what she was doing.

'and the reason we came here'


Angel was having trouble remembering that reason himself as Cordelia continued to nibble on his ear.

'to stop demon.' Yeah that was it, to stop the demon from rising.

'was it a big demon?'

'really big.'

'with big claws and fangs?'

'with big claws and even bigger fangs.'

'is it ugly?'

'really really ugly.'

'so what are you waiting for? Its not like anyone else would drive all the way out here to stop this thing.' She said taking Angel by the hand and dragging him back to where Wesley, Fred and Gunn were waiting.


'So Angel and Cordelia are off checking things then?'

'yep.' Gunn answered Buffy's question

'O-kay. So any sign of this so called demon? Because we could have stayed in Sunnydale, where the demons are guaranteed to show up.'

'That's one thing you can rely on in Sunnydale, the big bad will always show up.

'Ssh I think I can hear something.' Willow hushed everyone.

'Cordelia! If you keep doing that were gonna riskÖ'

'what, turning into a stereotypical scene form a teen slasher movie? Boy and girl making out in a in a cemetery get attacked by a hideous hellbeast?'

'well there is always that, but I was more worried about running into the scoobies while you have your tongue stuck in my ear'

Cordelia quickly sprang back from Angel spinning on her designer heels to face the thoroughly stunned scoobies.

'Hello. Argh hell no!'

'Well its nice to see you to Cordelia'

'Oh yeah hi. Buffy, you might want to look behind you'

And she did.

Behind them stood at least 20 battle ready minions.


Buffy stood and watched on as Angel and Cordelia automatically dropped into their battle stance, weapons appearing instantly. Shaking her self out of it as the demon attacked.

The fight was fast and furious. Each group working separate from the other, The fang gang taking the minions on the left and the scooby gang taking the flunkeys on the right.

'Well, that looks like all of them.' Wesley speculated as he scanned the surrounding area for more opponents.

'prophecy averted, again' Xander said before collapsing on the ground exhausted.

'yay us.' Buffy quipped taking a seat next to Xander.

'Damn, that was nothing, what a bunch of soft arsed demons were they. I didn't even get a chance to use my new flamethrower.'

'Oh Charles, I'm sorry I know how much you were looking forward that. Maybe you will get a chance when we clear that nest on La Brea tomorrow.'

'yah think?' Gunn asked excitedly.

'So that was different?' Xander said to Cordelia, who stood nearby

'What was?'

'The part were you fought'

'Where I fought?

Yeah, the part where you were in there fighting, with a sword! That was different

'No, It really wasn't.' Cordelia said leaving Xander behind and making her way over to where Angel stood whipping gung off the weapons.

'Man, if you think that was different, you should see it when she floats' Gunn said.


Buffy sat observing all the by play and the way that the gang from LA interacted. Her Whimpy, stick-up-his-butt crybaby ex-watcher. Her former semi-friend and bitch extraordinaire and her ex-boyfriend, the brooding creature of the night seemed to have changed a lot. If she didn't know better she would have not believed that these were the same people that had left Sunnydale three years ago.

'Ah, guys, I hate to interrupt but I think we missed one.' The entire group turned in the direction that Dawn was looking. A green skinned, red horned, snappily dressed demon was walking their way, and he appeared to be carrying something. A baby.