TITLE:
Rebirth
AUTHOR: Scarlet Rose
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Angel or Darla, nor any of the other characters in this
fic, no matter how much I desperately wish I did
DISTRIBUTION: If you’d like it, all ya gotta do is ask!
FEEDBACK: I love friendly feedback! Send it on over to detective_lockley@yahoo.com
AUTHOR’S NOTES: Takes place after “Lullaby” in the Angel-verse; spoilers
for season 3 up to and including that episode. I’m very nervous about this
one- though Darla is one of my favorites, I’ve never done a piece with her.
I’m still reworking and such, but this will probably end up being the final
one I keep. Not sure what reaction will be- but all reviews I’ve gotten off
the site have been pretty good.
Darla squinted as her eyes focused on her surroundings. There didn’t seem to
be a shape or dimension to the room she was in, all the walls seemed to blur
into one another. Or were they moving? She groaned. She didn’t really care.
So, was this what death was like? Reaching down, she placed her hand over her
heart. She was shocked when all she felt was the material of her shirt.
Shouldn’t she be feeling some sort of pain, or have a big chunk of wood
sticking out of her? The last thing she remembered was being in labor, feeling
like a piece of her was being ripped out of her stomach, feeling Angel’s tears
on her hand and the rain on her face. She remembered the rough feel of the
wooden stake, and the sharp pain as she plunged it into herself. Then there was
just nothing- the black void she’d always heard of but never believed in.
Maneuvering herself upright, she slowly paced around, getting her bearings.
Suddenly she sensed a presence behind her.
Turning around, her slight apprehension and fear turned into annoyance. “You
again,” she said darkly. The well-dressed man who’d forced Angel to go
through trials to save her life what seemed like ages ago now stood in front of
her again, nodding at her. “Why yes. It is so good to see you again,
Miss…Darla.” He moved closer to her. Smirking, she moved to put as much
distance between them as she could. “Oh, I’m sure you’re just delighted
that we’re meeting again,” she said sharply. He smiled. “So, where are we?
What’s in store for me this time? No heroic Angel to do tests to save me. So
now what? I get to dive into an empty pool that doesn’t change, and lets my
skull get crushed? Eternal damnation? Burning in flaming pits? Well? What’s my
punishment going to be?” she asked, putting as much boredom into her tone as
she could. Secretly trying to disguise the fear that was infusing her body.
He looked shocked. “Why, we’re not going to punish you. You sacrificed your
life for your child’s, even while your demon was in control. It certainly
wouldn’t be fair to…” She snorted, not believing a word he said. “Life
isn’t fair, Ask Jeeves,” she stated roughly. “Yes, I killed myself. I
killed myself so that I wouldn’t have to face the possibility of wanting to
murder my own child once I gave birth. Is that heroic? Or just incredibly
selfish?” she asked, turning away. Pacing a bit, she continued. “I killed,
and I maimed, and I broke people. Not for a small while, but for hundreds of
years. That certainly can’t earn me any passes out of punishment. This isn’t
a game of monopoly, and I have no get out of jail free card. I have no money,
nothing to bargain with.”
He shrugged. “So then what are you asking for?” he questioned. She turned
back to him sharply. “I’m not asking for anything,” she snapped. “I’m
waiting for my damn sentence, so that I don’t have to spend any more time with
you. Or is that what my punishment is? Having to listen to your voice for the
rest of time?” she asked sardonically.
He laughed mockingly. “Oh, I did forget your wit. But last time, I think you
were too…preoccupied to bother with the insults.” Noticing her increasingly
darkening expression, he hurried on. “Well, you are technically dead right
now. Just in case you were wondering,” he said defensively at her incredulous
look. “Punishment is not what we have in mind for you, at least not at this
time. We’ve decided that your act was made out of love and unselfishness, no
matter what you may feel. We’re going to give you a second chance, Darla. A
chance to give back to the world you took so much from.”
Darla’s eyes widened with fear and anger. “No!” she screamed. He took a
step back from her. “No?” he questioned. “No! I can’t do this! I can’t
be like Angel! I cannot live with constant contrition! I’m not…worthy, nor
is it right for me! I deserve punishment, not another chance! I’ve wasted too
many. I’ll waste this one. Just send me away,” she begged hoarsely, panic
pervading her senses.
He smiled with pity at her increasing frustration. “Darla, we’ve made our
decision. You will be sent back. You will be given a time of probation, in which
to get yourself sorted out and become acquainted with your son. At that time we
shall determine what your final sentence will be.” At this, he slowly faded
before her eyes. Darla felt tears running down her face. Damn it, no! She
couldn’t take being sent back again! Why? Slowly, she sank to her knees,
sobbing in pain and frustration and fear. Within a few minutes, she slowly
drifted off to a restless sleep, as the man from before came in and picked her
up.
The man carried her for some time, finally arriving at a large set of doors.
Knocking on them, he patiently waited. When the door slid open, he nodded in
greeting. “I do believe I have something for you,” he said, then
unceremoniously dropped Darla into a tangled heap on the pavement and walked
off. Leaving the stunned eyes of Angel, Cordelia and Wesley watching after him.
Angel stared down at the woman he’d thought he’d never see again. Mixed
emotions ran through him- the most pertinent one begging for him to grab her up
and never let her go again. Realizing that Cordelia and Wesley were staring at
him, he went to speak but found he could not. Instead he turned his eyes towards
the unconscious woman and made a move towards her. Cordelia’s hand whipped out
and grabbed his sleeve. “Angel, you can’t possibly be thinking of bringing
her in here! You have no idea what she’s going to be like! She could attempt
to kill you or one of us!” He resolutely pulled out of her grasp, and moved
closer to Darla. “Angel,” Cordelia tried, one last time. “Think of
Connor!” she pleaded. He stopped in his tracks. Without turning around, his
eyes on the limp form, he answered her. “I am.” Reaching down, he scooped
Darla into his arms, then breezed past Wesley and Cordelia up to his room.
After Angel set her on his bed, he stood back and stared at her. Sighing, he
slowly slid a chair adjacent to the bed and sat down. He had no idea what to do.
Rubbing his forehead, he tried to sort out a plan. He knew that bringing Darla
into the hotel may have been a bad move, but he couldn’t just let her lay
outside. He kept flashing back to the pain he’d seen in her eyes as she’d
confessed she was worried she’d hurt their child after it was born. He also
remembered the absolute pain that sliced through his heart when she’d put a
piece of wood through her own. He hadn’t felt that way when he’d stabbed her
in the back for Buffy. But this time…this time had been different. Everything
was different now. Leaning back into the chair, he let her sleep. He’d worry
about her and his associates and Connor in a moment. For right now, he just
wanted to bask in the knowledge that she was back.
Angel had run downstairs to grab a cup of blood and check on his son before
heading back up to the sleeping Darla. Sitting back down into his chair, he
briefly wondered how long it would take her to wake up. And what she would be
like when she did. He hadn’t had a chance to ask if they’d given her a soul,
so he guessed he’d just have to deal with what was going to happen when she
awoke.
Which was now, apparently. Carefully placing the mug on the nightstand, he moved
to the bed. Darla thrashed about for a few moments, dislodging several pillows
and blankets. “No,” she cried out, time and again. Angel felt an
overwhelming sadness for her, but pushed it away and concentrated on keeping her
from harming herself. Darla’s eyes slowly opened, glazed and unfocused. Then
she gasped and ripped away from Angel, hurtling herself at the headboard. “Get
away!” she snarled, carefully pulling a pillow over her stomach as a barrier.
Angel slowly slid back to the chair, nervously watching her. Her eyes were wild
with fear as they darted around the room. Finally, her muscles relaxed and she
stared down at the pillow she held, pulling at the fabric with her fingernails.
“Where am I?” she asked hoarsely. “You’re in the hotel,” Angel
replied, unsure if she wanted an actual response. She didn’t move. “How are
you?” she asked. “Good. Tired. Late night feedings get a bit rough-
especially with Cordelia arguing with me over how warm the bottle should be,
and…Darla, what happened?” he asked sharply. She winced and shrugged. “I
don’t know. It was dark, and black, and then that butler guy was there and he
said I was going back. Then it was sleepy time.” He didn’t look satisfied
with her answer. Becoming angry, she snapped at him. “How the hell should I
know what’s going on? I’m the one who was dead. And brought back once
again.” Ripping again at the pillow, she attempted to calm down. Angel sighed.
“I’m sorry,” he uttered.
Darla looked down at herself, and cringed. Her hair was extremely dirty and
stringy, and her clothes looked like she’d been sleeping out on the streets
for months. The last time she’d been brought back, she’d looked much better.
Briefly, she wondered if that was Lindsey’s doing. Dear Lindsey. Shaking her
head, she blocked out the thoughts. Her head shot up when she noticed Angel
moving. He grasped a cup from the table next to her and slowly reached out. She
hesitantly accepted it from him, then gasped. “Oh, God, no!” she said,
flinging the cup off the bed. Blood spattered everywhere. Angel quickly sat on
the bed. “Darla, you have to drink…” She shook her head firmly, staring in
horror at the blood that had splashed onto her hands. “Darla,” he said,
getting up to go get some more. He would not allow her to starve herself.
“Angel, no,” she said weakly, forcing him to turn around. “Angel, I’m
not…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it. She wasn’t a vampire
anymore. She wasn’t even sure if she was fully human. She was just… a mess.
“Oh,” Angel said, comprehension flying across his face. “Yeah, oh,” she
repeated. “I…I’ll just give you some time by yourself,” Angel said,
moving towards the door. She barely nodded, and he carefully closed the door
behind him. Tempering his worry and impatience, he moved downstairs. Cordelia
was immediately on him. “Well, what’s going on?” He looked into the
expectant faces of his closest cohorts and friends. And had no idea what to tell
them. “I don’t know,” he said, sinking down onto the couch. “You don’t
know?” Wesley asked. “She’s odd, distant. Not quite all there.
And…she’s not a vamp anymore.”
“Well, is she human then?” Cordelia asked quizzically. Angel just shook his
head. Wesley, Cordelia, Fred and Gunn all shared worried looks. They’d seen
what damage Darla had done to him before. And they were now worried about her
being near Angel’s son as well. “What are we going to do?” Fred asked
quietly. Angel gave her a reassuring glance. “I’m not sure right now, Fred.
I need to find out what’s wrong with her, and I need to figure out what I’m
going to do with her. Right now, all I ask is that you guys stay away from my
room.” They nodded in agreement, and Wesley silenced his objections. Angel got
up, but paused before leaving the room. “Cordelia and Fred, I would appreciate
it if you guys could keep an eye on Connor for a while…” He trailed off with
a grin, as both women nodded happily and rushed up the stairs. Chuckling with
the other men, he moved back up to his room.
Darla hadn’t moved from where he’d left her, and she was still staring off
into space. Grasping her hands, he shook her from her tumultuous thoughts.
“Darla, let’s get you into a bath and some clean clothes. Okay?” he said
softly, wondering what was going on inside her head that would cause her eyes to
be filled with so much anguish. She nodded, and allowed him to pull her off the
bed. He stopped on the way, and grabbed a shirt and sweats from a drawer. Then,
taking her into the adjoining bathroom, he began to fill the tub. She sat
quietly and unmoving on the toilet seat. After the bath was full with warm water
and bubbles, he knelt in front of her. “Darla, I’m going to go now. Call me
if you…” Her arm shot out, halting his words. “No!” she gasped,
terrified. “Don’t leave me!” Angel grasped her arms to steady her. In all
their time together, he’d never seen a look of such fright in her eyes.
“Okay, okay. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured her, stroking her arms.
Carefully, he maneuvered both of them upright, and stripped off her clothes.
Reaching out a steadying hand, he helped her into the tub. She sunk down into
it, but kept a grasp on his hand. He sat behind the tub, allowing her to hold
onto his palm for comfort. Once she was certain he wasn’t going to leave, her
muscles relaxed and she closed her eyes. Only then did Angel allow the tears to
fall. Tears for her, and for him, and for Connor. Tears for their sordid past
together, their confused present, and for their unknown future. Connor needed
his birth mother, and Angel wasn’t sure at all if she’d ever be stable
enough to see him.
After helping Darla shampoo her hair and rinse off, he handed her a towel and
aided her dressing. Moving back to the room, he tucked her back into his bed,
frowning at her exhaustion. He turned as he heard the door click open. Cordelia
walked in, laden down with a tray piled with cheese, crackers and Sprite. “I
thought this might help you,” she said, glaring daggers at Darla. But Darla
didn’t even seem to acknowledge there was anyone new in the room- she simply
stared off at the far wall. Cordelia’s glare turned into a concerned look, and
she raised an eyebrow at Angel. He shrugged helplessly, not knowing what to tell
her. Casting a worried glance behind her, she left the room again and closed the
door.
Angel carefully placed the tray on the floor. He figured he’d attempt to get
her to eat later, or maybe she’d eat once he was out of the room. Sitting in
his chair again, he watched her fidget, seemingly lost in her own world. He
worried that if she wasn’t able to snap out of this state, he may never be
able to allow her near Connor. And he had no clue what he’d do with her then,
either. Getting up again, he moved over to her and grasped her hand. “Darla,
I’m going to go for a while. There is food over here, and if you need anything
at all, just ring this bell. Okay?” She looked at him with wide eyes, but
relented. He let loose a sigh of relief, and slid his hand down the side of her
wet hair. Carefully, he left the room, keeping an eye on her as he closed the
door.
Later on, he’d carefully pushed the door open a bit, and found her eating and
reading his new copy of “A Beautiful Mind.” Though she didn’t seem to be
totally concentrating on what she was doing, he hoped it was a good sign.
She’d slept fitfully that evening, tossing and turning with Angel guarding
over her. He hadn’t gotten much sleep, running back and forth to check on her
and Connor. Finally, Cordelia had ordered him to go to Darla and she took over
care of the baby.
Two weeks later, and progress was slowly being made. Darla now seemed more aware
of everything around her, though she was still extremely withdrawn. Angel sighed
every time he looked into her tight face and noticed the emotions held in check
there. She’d started eating a bit more, and read most of the time she was
awake. She slept as much as she could. Once in a while, she’d take a walk
outside. He’d watch her from the upstairs window. She always seemed to be
closed off, like a reflection in mirror- cold, only a fraction of the real
person, and he had no clue how he could reach her. And she also had never asked
about Connor. Angel was too worried to bring it up. He was scared any mention
might unbalance her mind, and he also was concerned about having her anywhere
near the baby at the moment. The guys had tried to talk him into going to see
Lorne, to maybe get some more information on what was going on with her. But
Angel nixed the idea. Right now, he wanted to keep the information that Darla
was back as quiet as possible. Holtz had disappeared recently, and Angel had no
doubt he was planning a new attack. Angel had to make sure that both Darla and
Connor would be safe, and part of that meant keeping the news about Darla’s
resurrection a secret.
That evening, Angel was startled but not totally surprised to find the room
empty when he went to check on her. He figured she probably went for another
walk outside. But after checking and finding the lawn empty, he began to get
worried. Then a frightening thought occurred to him. Ever since Connor had been
born, Angel had been able to find his son by sense. If Darla had the same sense,
she would be able to find him… Angel took off at a run. In Darla’s present
state, he had no idea what she would try. She could not hurt their baby, he
wouldn’t let her. Slamming his fist against the wall as he ran, he wondered if
the way she was acting had all been a charade. Praying he hadn’t been scammed.
Flying into Connor’s room, he stormed to the crib. Connor lay there, looking
up at his father with surprised but calm eyes. Then he heard a noise behind him.
Swirling around, his glare melted when he saw her. Crumpled up in the corner,
Darla was sobbing into her skirt. Taking one last glance to make sure Connor
really was okay, he moved to her side. “Darla,” he whispered, kneeling down
before her. She looked up at him with grief-stricken eyes. “Angel, I can’t
do this,” she got out. “I’m…I’m a horrible person. Everything I did, I
remember. I shouldn’t be here. I should be in hell, being punished for all my
sins. Angel, I should never have gotten another chance. I don’t deserve any
happiness at all. I don’t deserve anything!” She gasped, tears rampantly
running down her face. Angel fought his own tears. He knew what it was like to
have the remembrance of sufferings past, of knowing what kind of pain and grief
you’d caused people. But he also knew that if he deserved a second chance,
then so did she. But how could he possibly convince her?
Angel placed an arm around her, trying to comfort, but she only began crying
harder. Frantically, Angel searched for the right words to say but found none.
He’d never been good with this sort of thing. Just then, Connor began to wail
as well. Hating to leave Darla, but knowing he had to, he quickly got up and
pulled his son from the crib. Holding him carefully, his attempts to soothe the
boy only seemed to make his son cry harder. Even his vampire face didn’t calm
him. Frustrated and scared, Angel forced himself to think. Suddenly, he whipped
around and carried Connor over to Darla. Sitting next to her, he carefully
settled Connor in his lap. Reaching over, he lifted Darla’s chin and made her
look at him. “Darla,” he started. “Darla, please, calm down. Connor can
feel your sadness, and it’s making him upset too. Please, Darla, it’ll be
alright. Just calm down for your son. Okay?” he said soothingly. Darla looked
at him disbelievingly, but forced herself to take deep breaths. Soon, her
shoulders still hitched but she was able to stop bawling. She looked down at the
bundle on Angel’s lap, and was shocked to find that their son had also stopped
his crying. Their son, she thought with a slight gasp.
She brought her eyes to Angel’s, and watched as he smiled gently. Carefully
picking Connor up, he placed him in Darla’s lap. It was difficult for him to
do so, but he forced himself to- knowing it was best for all of them. He watched
Darla’s expression move from fear to wonder to happiness. She looked up at him
again, and he was amazed to see that the icy look she’d always had in her eyes
was gone. In its place was a warm glow that he’d never been privileged to see
before. Looking back down at their son, she felt tears build up again. But as
Connor tensed up before wailing again, she quickly took to relaxing him. “No,
no. Happy tears, happy tears,” she babbled. She leaned over and placed her
head on her son’s lap, letting the tears fall. Angel felt his own tears wash
down his face, cleaning the old resentment he’d felt for her and changing it
into something else. He quickly moved closer and put one arm around her, pulling
her and the baby closer to him. Connor reached out and grabbed hold of his
father’s pant leg- holding his mother and father together by the strength of
his tiny fist.
Angel glanced up at a soft sniffle and saw Cordelia and Fred standing in the
doorway. Fred was wiping away tears of her own, and Cordelia was flashing him a
happy smile. Once he’d seen them, Cordelia started to usher Fred out of the
room. With Cordelia tsk-ing at Fred’s red face, Angel heard her dragging Fred
away to find some kleenex. Though he knew that his friends were still very
suspicious and uneasy around Darla, he had a feeling that they’d all work
through it somehow. They’d all work through it together- as always. It was
time for a new beginning, a new life. Rebirth.