Title: The Big News
Author: zarah
Posted: 05-13-2002
Rating: PG
Summary: The gang tells Angel some pretty grim news…
Spoilers: None. This takes place during Season 3, but none of the whole Connor kidnapping thing.
Distribution: Want, take, have. Just let me know where to look.
Feedback: Yes, please. It’s my Ambrosia.
Disclaimer: Nope, still own nothing.
The doors of the Hyperion Hotel opened, and in stepped three figures who, judging from the looks on their faces, had clearly seen better days than that day had been.
Gunn swiveled the axe in his hands, and watched in a fixed, rigid way as the blade glinted under the light of the lobby. He locked eyes with Wesley, who by then has made his way to one of the chairs. He sat his abused crossbow on the table and then cradled his head in his hands.
“This is really bad,” He moaned to the others. “This is really, really bad.”
Cordelia shot Wesley an irritated glare. “Understated much, Wes?” She said in a way that made the others flinch. “Bad doesn’t quite cover it. This is one of those you-can’t-give-it-a-name-because-it’s-too-bad bad things that happen to your life.” She stopped for a moment, her eyes on the blade of her sword. “Angel’s going to kill us.” She said quietly.
Wesley lifted his head from his hands and snorted. “Kill? I’m guessing that that would be the most merciful action he’ll ever do to us once he finds out what we did to his… baby.”
Silence filled the entire room.
“I say we take the first plane outta here before he finds out.” Gunn told them as he placed his axe on the counter. “That man’s surely gonna flip. I say we go to save our asses.”
“Go where?” Cordelia asked him, hope filling her eyes as she considered the idea.
Gunn shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably British’s place or somethin’.”
Wesley shook his head. “That is not a possibility. Why don’t we go to Sunny…”
“Hellmouth? That demon thing probably smushed your brains when he slapped you hard on the face.” She said bitingly.
“I beg your pardon. That demon did not slap me-“
“Yeah, ‘coz his palm just accidentally got connected to your cheek. It wasn’t a slap. More like, a girly punch.” Gunn said with a sly smile at Wesley’s direction.
Cordelia clapped her hands together. “Alright, guys. We need to focus. Focus, guys, focus!” She planted her hands on her hips, and then frowned at Gunn. “You know, running away seemed pretty much a good idea about two seconds ago, but then, you know what? Angel, with his vampiric sense of sniffing? He’ll track us down in three minutes flat.”
“And then we’re dead.” Wesley added. He stood up and took a deep breath as if to summon every ounce of courage he has. “What if we just… tell him the truth? Maybe he’ll go easy on us.”
“And maybe Pylea has two suns. Oh, wait… it has.”
“And maybe you should stop with the macho ‘tude, Gunn, because it’s not helping!”
“And maybe you should shove your-“
“Okay! I think I have an idea.” Cordelia interjected as she sensed she needed to break the ice between the two men. It seemed to work, because both Wesley and Gunn happily gave her their attention.
“What do you have in mind?” Wesley asked her.
“Um…” Cordelia bit her lip, and then flashed her winning smile. “We tell Angel the truth!”
Gunn crossed his arms in front of him. “That’s your plan?” He asked. When Cordelia reluctantly nodded, he glanced at Wesley. “Explain to me how that plan is any different from English boy’s over here.”
“Well, we-“ Cordelia stopped short as she racked her brain for something brilliant to say. “Wait! I know! Why don’t Wesley here tell everything to Angel? I mean, it’s his fault we’re in this mess in the first place.”
“How about, no, Cordelia?” Wesley indignantly said. “And bloody hell! This is not my fault as it is… Gunn’s!”
“Oh no, don’t get all smarty on me.” Gunn told him as he waved his hands in front of him. “None of this is our fault. It’s Barbie’s all along.”
Wesley nodded as a smile crept up on his face. “I think you’re right, Gunn.”
“Ah ha ha HA!” Cordelia exclaimed. “Don’t you two dare pass your faults on me. Besides, it’s that demon’s fault. But you know what? I’m outta here.” She picked up her purse from her desk. “And I suggest you two leave too, because Angel’s going to be in here-“
The doors opened again, and in stepped Angel with his brand new fighting axe. “Hi, guys!” He greeted merrily.
Cordelia’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “-now,” she said.
Angel swung his newly bought axe proudly. “Isn’t she a beauty?” He asked. “I’m sure this baby’s going to hack heads easier and faster than any of my old axes.” He swung again. “WHAM! BAM! Heads will definitely roll.”
Wesley, Gunn and Cordelia all gulped as their eyes stared at the glinting killing device. They looked at each other, guilt and fear on their faces.
The vampire stopped his actions when he sensed the thick blanket of uneasiness in the air. “What’s going on?” He asked, as he looked at the other three. A sense of dread and panic rose in his chest. “Guys-?”
“Angel,” Cordelia started. With a swift glance in Wesley’s and Gunn’s direction, she continued. “We have a problem.” She gravely said. When a long silence followed her declaration, she glared at the other two. “Feel free to add something to that!”
“What’s going on?” Angel asked again. He stared at Wesley.
Wesley swallowed hard. “Angel,” he started. “Earlier, a demon attacked us when you were… purchasing that new… killing… axe, and-“ he stopped for a moment. “Something happened. Gunn?”
“Angel, man,” Gunn said. With a nervous scratching of his bald head, he continued. “Well, that big, ugly demon just burst inside, looking for you. And we fought it. Hard. With our axes and bows and stuff. Even have some ugly bruises to prove it. And then…”
Another long silence followed.
“Just… tell me what happened.” Angel quietly stated.
Cordelia looked at him straight in the eyes. “Angel, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but something happened to your… ‘baby’.”
“Oh, God…” Angel muttered. With murder in his eyes, he glared at Wesley. “It’s you, isn’t it?” He said, seething. “You kidnapped my son!”
Three pairs of eyes stared at him blankly. “What?” They all asked in unison.
Angel caught himself. “Well, you said that… something happened… and…” He shrugged helplessly. “I just assumed that…”
“I knew it!” Gunn exclaimed. “He doesn’t even know what happened and he’s flipped already!”
“Angel,” Cordelia said softly. “Wesley didn’t kidnap your son. He doesn’t have the balls to do that!”
“That’s right, Angel.” Wesley told him. “I cannot and will not do something like that to betray you. And, besides, Connor is with Fred upstairs, sleeping.” A beat, and then, “Where on earth did you get the idea of me kidnapping Connor?”
“Well, I… you know. I watch soap operas and stuff.” Angel cleared his throat, and then looked at Cordelia. “You were saying…?”
“Guy’s gotta have a hobby,” Cordelia uttered under her breath. When Angel glared at her, she stopped. “Um, yeah, I was saying…”
She almost jumped when the phone rang.
“I’ll get it.” Angel offered. He placed his axe on the counter, and then picked up the phone. “Hello?… Yes, this is Angel…Martin’s Body Shop? But why… yes, yes, black convertible… yes…”
Wesley glanced at Angel, and then at the other two. “Martin’s Body Shop,” He groaned.
“We’re so dead.” Cordelia said with an unhappy sigh.
“So much for us telling him what happened.” Gunn muttered.
Angel turned so that he was facing the three while he was talking on the phone. His face no longer held any nervousness or embarrassment, just the eerie stillness that told trouble. “Broken windshield… punctured wheels…” He stopped. “Oh. The wheels weren’t punctured… they burst open?”
“Ho boy…” Cordelia said.
“And the clutch? What happened to the…” He paused. “It’s broken, too?”
“This is really, really bad,” Wesley uttered.
“So…um… how much are we looking at…” He winced. “Fifty-four hundred dollars?!”
“So you wanna go or what?” Gunn offered. When the other two nodded, they all bolted to the doors. But even before they get to open it, Angel was already there, blocking their way.
“Damn vampiric speed,” Wesley whispered.
Angel, wearing his stoic face again, shoved his hands on his pockets. “So, my convertible got raped today,” he said, conversationally. He took a step forward, and instinctively, the three stepped back. “Windshield, tires, clutch… all damaged. And you know what the funny thing is?” He chuckled. “I don’t even know what happened yet.”
“Okay, so here’s what happened. Big ugly demon attacked us. We kicked it out, it went flying and, ahem…let’s just say that, your car? A convenient landing gear for the demon.” Cordelia said.
“Uh huh,” Angel said.
“We’re really sorry, Angel.” Wesley offered an apology. “But if it’ll make you feel better, we have decided to chip in and pay for all the damages.”
“Yeah. Even if it’s not really our fault as much as the demon’s which, we killed on our own, thank you very much, and even if it means not eating for about ten years, we’ll pay for the damage of your stupid car.” Cordelia told him.
Gunn glared at Cordelia before turning to Angel. “So, are we cool? Or what?”
Angel smiled an eerie smile. “Or what?”
“Or we’re gone.” Before Angel could even blink, the three were out of the hotel.
And he was left to foot the bill.
End.