by Starla
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns rights to all the characters, locations, etc.
Distribution: Let me know, give me credit, and you're good to go.
Author's Notes: This is Willow's POV, but it is actually a B/A piece...I think. splashings of W/O too, probably.
Feedback: Questions? Comments?
Summary: What Willow wants. Her thoughs while Buffy is sleeping.
I sat up when Buffy whimpered in her sleep, arms reaching out for an invisible partner, searching the lonely bed for her lover.
Angel wasn't there.
Her dreaming face wavered, and she seemed to curl in on herself, wrapping her small arms around her body.
I knew exactly how she felt./par /par I missed Oz, everyday.
She knew that.
Yet she never *really* let me know the extent of her loneliness since Angel's departure.
It went much farther than she let on.
Buffy's a good actress.
If I hadn't seen her in her sleep, I never would of known.
She's murmuring his name, now.
I smile sadly to myself, briefly hoping that this is a happy dream....
Not a nightmare.
She's been having them again.
Waking up, sure that Angel is still in hell.
Sure that she has killed him.
It's like now that she can't feel his presence in the air, she can't convince herself that he's ok.
It's killing her.
I frowned, knowing I'd never be able to sleep again now.
Seeing her like this always brought on insomnia.
My busy little mind working over our problems, cursing myself becuse I can't fix them all single handedly.
I grumble slightly at myself. "Don't take it all on your shoulders, Rosenburg. There's only so much you can do..."
Buffy had a date with Riley last night.
She came home smiling, laughing. A shiny happy person.
I didn't believe it for a second.
She lacked the....giddyness....that always accompanied her *really* good dates.
Like after her ice-skating date with Angel.
Not even biker-assassin guy had been able to ruin that for her.
The way she smiled at Riley....it was like the way she smiled at Scott.
The smile of the 'not-Angel'.
Again, I grumbled at myself for pushing Buffy and Riley together.
But Riley seemed like a nice, if rather...ordinary...guy.
And when he had implied that he wanted to protect Buffy.....
It seemed like a nice, fuzzy, thought.
Nice.
I'm using that word a lot.
It's the only thing I can really think of when it comes to Riley.
Nice, sweet....boring.
I admitted it to myself sadly.
He was good looking, but there was something about him....he lacked the slight quirks and imperfections that made a guy *really* desirable.
Riley was like the airbrushed cover of a magazine, I decided.
Nice to look at, but if you study it closer, there's no dimensions.
<Did you see him arms? Those are good arms to have!>
Buffy's voice floated into my memory. It seemed intrigued, excited yet....not quite as...adult as it had when she'd spoken of Angel in our Sophomore year. It's funny how she seemed more mature back then....
<When he's around...it's like the lights dim everywhere else. You know how it's like that with some guys?>
Maybe cos with Angel it was real.
A real relationship.
Actually, in Buffy's words, it was an 'un-relationship'.
I laughed quietly.
A sad, melancholy sound that I didn't quite recognize.
It sounded...foreign.
I wasn't laughing enough lately.
I wanted my old laugh back.
My actual 'happy' laugh, rather than an amused chuckle.
I wanted it all back.
I missed Angel.
I missed Oz.
Hell, I missed *Cordelia*.
There's something seriously wrong with me.
But not just me...
It's like the world is off balance.
I miss the days when we would all gather in the library to discuss the demon-of-the-month, making jokes over it's unpleasant appearance or eating habits.
I miss stealing all the jelly donuts before Giles' could get his hands on them.
I miss seeing Angel go all 'grrrr' when people tried to hurt Buffy.
I miss watching Xander and Cordelia bicker back and forth about nothing in particular.
I miss Oz's amused, understated comments.
I miss being part of that family.
The only family I ever really had.
And now...we've been scattered.
Broken.
And no good will come of it.
FIN